I vår var det en artikkel i Dagbladet som provoserte meg så inderlig. Det var om barn og lykke, og det sto at forskning viser at folk uten barn er mer lykkelige enn de som har barn. På det tidspunktet hadde jeg en skjønn baby på et par måneder og var fortsatt i ekstrem lykkerus over at ho hadde kommet ut og at alt gikk bra.
Her om dagen hadde jeg et tilfelle der jeg satt på en krakk og var utrulig fortvilt over at Lillebølla ALDRI VILLE SOVE. "Jeg får aldri noe egentid", sa jeg til Bøllepappa. "Det må være mulig å gå på do!" I ettertid var det ganske komiskt, men der og da var fortvilelsen bunnløs som den ofte er når man (kvinne) er trøtt, sulten og utslitt (og litt tissetrengt).
Etterpå, da ting så litt lysere ut (og Lillebølla endelig sov), spurte Bøllepappa meg om jeg fortsatt syntes den forskninga var noe tøys. Ja, det syns jeg. Siden jeg blei gravid, har jeg hatt masse masse følelser; bekymring, smerte, kvalme, tristhet, skyldfølelse, sinne. Men de sterkeste følelsene jeg har er glede og lykke. Det er stadige skjær av rein lykke over å få være sammen med skjønne Lillebølla.
I artikkelen sto det at årsaken til at folk var mindre lykkelige med barn var at de fikk mindre frihet. Jeg har fått mye mindre frihet, og mye mere lykke.
Bøllemamma; uklar i gjerningsøyeblikket
Bøllemamma; sometimes a bit unclear
I’ve been a bit tired lately; having our little beauty in the house is a lot of work. It’s dawned on me that I don’t have a user manual explaining me how to do things, so I have to find it out for myself, or with Bøllepappa. Sometimes I come up with strange things (for the last couple of days, I’ve been doing some quite alternative and slightly gymnastic breastfeeding), but as long as it works, it works for me.
In April, there was an article in Dagbladet that really provoked me. It was about children and happiness, and talked about research that showed that people without children were happier than people who have children. At the time, I had a gorgeous baby around 2 months, and I was still ecstatic that she was out and about and that everything went fine.
The other day I had a moment where I was sitting on a chair and was incredibly desperate because Lillebølla DIDN’T WANT TO SLEEP. “I never get time for myself”, I said to Bøllepappa. “It has to be possible for me to go to the toilet!” I can see that it was quite comical afterwards, but it my desperation was bottomless in that moment, as it often is when one is tired, hungry and exhausted (and really need to take a wee).
Later, when things felt a bit better (and Lillebølla was finally sleeping), Bøllepappa asked me if I still thought that research was hogwash. Yes, I do. Ever since I became pregnant, I’ve had lots and lots of feelings; worry, pain, sadness, guilt, anger. But the strongest feelings I have are happiness and joy. I experience so many moments of pure joy, spending time with my lovely Lillebølla.
The article said that the reason people were less happy when they had children, was that they had less freedom. I have a lot less freedom, and a lot more happiness.